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I was inspired by the band Lowland Hum to write a song about an object that told a story. I am really happy with the way this song turned out in recording. Chris Brydge accompanies me on upright bass.

Wine glass,

Covered in particles

Placed in a line, 

And you’ve lost your sparkle

Adorned with a tiny glass 

Whimsical penguin

Longing for someone

To stop and drink you in

PRE-CHORUS:

Years of dust, a mask of indifference

But I see your infinite longing

A:

No brush of fingertips

No print of painted lips

No shudder of joy from a hand on the stem

B:

(You just stay right here) (x4)

A: SOLO (x2)

PRE-CHORUS

B:

No one who lingers over dinner on the stove

No ring of laughter to reverberate your soul

No lazy afternoon in the front porch’s sun

No renewed delight when a long day is done

A:

No brush of fingertips

No print of painted lips

No shudder of joy from a hand on the stem (x2)

(You’d pour yourself over to be with them.)

Holly Kirsten October 2019

In the fall of 2019 I participated in clinical at a major hospital in our area. I worked with a patient who had been in a motor vehicle accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down. In the course of my days there, he became my friend, and I was taken with his intensely positive attitude towards recovery. I am incredibly happy to see his updates and know that he is on the road to recovery.

You can strip me of my dignity

Just like you strip the sheets from this bed

You can tie me down and make me cry

But you ain’t never gonna get to my head

This is the white knuckle double down, boys, yeah

This is the white knuckle double down, boys. 

You may disregard the things I say

But I’m gonna speak my truth, anyway

You can lay me low and paralyze

But I will gather strength and I will rise

This is the white knuckle double down, boys, yeah

This is the white knuckle double down, boys. 

SOLO

This is the white knuckle double down, boys, yeah

This is the white knuckle double down, boys. 

You ain’t seen the last of me, no

I may not come back sweetly

You can’t have a hold on me, no

I’ll find a way to break free

You can take my strength and leave me still

But I ain’t gonna lose my will

Cause there’s a fire deep inside

And I’m finding it hard, I’m finding it hard to hide it

Holly Kirsten, October 2019

I went on a horseback ride with friends in Pungo, VA. While on the ride, the trail guide shared stories about the changing landscape due to climate change. It reminded me that as a child, I could find seashells in the soil of my front yard in SLC, Utah– remainders of Lake Bonneville from tens of thousands of years ago. The water is currently reclaiming land that it covered in ages past. Something about that makes me feel less fearful.

DADGAD tuning

Down in the miry marshes with loblolly pines 

choking heat stirs the bullfrogs and cicadas to sing

my tea-stained waves lap the crowded coastline

cloaking bathing beauties and waterfowl wings

The moon briefly made my boundary relent

but I will take it back

Take it back, take it back, take it back

Far away, I covertly assemble near the arctic blaze

a continent erodes, while time shaves sheets of ice

here, frightened farmsteads fold by swollen roadways

old timers ponder shifting plates and lightning strikes

Somewhere a factory filters dregs into my stream

but I will take it back

Take it back, take it back, take it back

I must rise and swell, an imminent, ill-fated view

offered no alternative, stripped, overtaken, abused

I once hoped for harmony, to share the line with you

Like fingers lovingly entwined, our bonds of nature fused

V3

Before humans took holiday on my splendid shores

or fisherman foraged my banks for their cupboards

ancient sand beds stretched, keeping other scores

revealing relics of the land that I once covered

My lines receded once, I made room for you

but I will take it back

Take it back, take it back, take it back

A din of desperation I would gladly refute,

but as of now, I cannot take it back.

Take it back, take it back, take it back

(or Other Silly Reasons to Call Home)

Last light of day retreats 

Sky of monochrome

The mist moves in sheets

That swaddle the earth

Hiding by the hearth, we find

Quiet on the streets

Starlings take to sky

In vast configurations

What do we call those birds, mom–

the name for a flock of birds?

Starlings dive and float in synchrony

Calling sky their home

A cloud of mystery

that enraptures me

Wanting not for hearth or time

Simply meeting needs

Traveling as one holy exultation

What do we call those birds, mom–

the name for the flock of birds?

We saw starlings together one time

A moment that is frozen in my mind

They wove together in an intricate dance

Should I call you to ask you again?

Holly Kirsten, November 2019

I listened to a podcast interview with a woman who had left her faith. She explained that many church leaders claim that exploring doubt is a “slippery slope”– as if it’s something you step into and easily fall out of. She said it’s not that way at all– it’s incredibly difficult and tiresome. I could not agree more. The slippery slope is frightening because you don’t know if anything will catch you when you fall.

You descend down the slippery slope

Tired hands, no steady belay ropes

At times you see the rocky path below

But still you trust your feet to find the way to go

The frayed edge of the atlas

The way is not clear

Scrutinize and use your intuition

As you encounter sojourners who share your point of view

You’ll innately know what to do

Even when you free fall

Grasping for something safe

Enjoy the journey without fear

There is nothing down here to fear

As you descend the slippery slope

And you reclaim and name a better hope

It’s not that you uncover unending bliss 

But simple peace in saying yes to what is

Holly Kirsten

September 2019

This song was originally written for a high school student that I worked with in a Middle Tennessee youth group in the 90’s. I always liked it, but didn’t really play it until my son, Jude, became high school age and I began pondering his departure from childhood and into the big world.

V1

I made a mental picture of you and stowed it away

How the tattered cover makes me smile

I can’t keep myself from opening the pages

I must climb back in and stay there for a while

V2

You survey the widening sky as you knowingly play

Nearing time to rise, take wing and fly

Your heart calls you far beyond these branches

I will lift you as your wingtips span the miles

CH

So go, you’ll make me proud anywhere you are

So go, and know your family is here for you,

So go

V3

If ever you are quieted and lonely

If ever sadness falls upon your eyes

Please rest in the knowledge you are worthy

We are with you and we love you all the time

CH

So go, you’ll make me proud anywhere you are

So go, and know your family is here for you,

So go, I know you’ll make the world a better place

So go, and know your family is here for you,

So go.

Holly Kirsten, October 12, 2017

Marzipan is my son Jude’s childhood teddy bear (she got her name from Homestar Runner).

Marzipan, You became a second string to trains and cars and many other things, but you are such a sacred thing to me 

Marzipan, your fur and fluff have long been passed over– but here you are, still And you’re still taking all my covers 

Oooh, will you share all your secrets? 

Marzipan, can I extract the snuggles and the kisses from your ears? Can I have just one moment from his second year? 

Can I have just one whiff? Can I have just giggle? 

Can I have just one goodnight kiss? (will you share all your secrets?)

Can I have just one? 

Marzipan, your fur and fluff have long been passed over– but here you are, still And you’re still taking all my covers 

This came from conversations that David and I have had over the years of our relationship. He wrote most of the lyrics, and I filled in the rest. This song feels very universal to me.

Shackled by the shards of broken dreams

Inner voices hearken distant screams

Trapped within the thoughts that seem so real

Fear and pain are all that I now feel

Years recounting layered scars of shame

Have trained my soul to quickly take the blame

I stand before her eager for her praise

Self-doubt rules my acts in many ways

You are enough, she says

You are enough for me

You are enough, she says

You are enough for you

Through the storm I’ve reached the other side

Safe now, I still tremble, run and hide

Pondering my way beyond this cage

I seek the source of hopelessness and rage

In my grief, she gently takes my hand

She offers me the safest place to land

I move near, believing love will heal

Truth through darkness will a light reveal

You are enough, she says

You are enough for me

You are enough, she says

You are enough for you

Lyrics by David Milot and Holly Kirsten

Music by Holly Kirsten

My anthem. My go-to when I need bolstering. My reminder that I am worthy, have a story to tell, and lives to change.

I’ve made a lot of promises I couldn’t keep

I’ve paid a lot of money, lost a bit more sleep

I walked away with nothing from the battleground

I may have lost a fortune, but my heart has been found

My friends keep telling me these wounds will heal 

I will press on until I seal this deal

Desperate times call for desperate measures

I’ve done some things that I regret

But someday I’ll be back on my feet again

In all life’s pain and all life’s pleasures

There’ve been some faces I’d rather forget

But someday I’ll be back on my feet again

I’ve lived in boxes and I’ve lived with bones

I’ve cried all night ‘cause I just wanna go home

Parted ways with friends I never meant to lose

But I’ve found a freedom in the path that I choose

Channel

CH

Please don’t send your prayers for me

I’ve spent a lifetime on my own knees

I’m making changes in what I see, what I see

To help free others who were caged like me 

Chorus

Words and Music: Holly Kirsten August 2019